The Quintessential Guide To Knowing Me

Like a dolt from the blue, this morning when I woke up, I had these pangs; an inability to think of anything to write. On my second day of blogging, I was ashamed to feel this way. Was this going to be the shortest blog ever to have existed for a period less than 24 hours? And then, I decided to write about my likes and dislikes. Inconsequential as always.

This list is not exhaustive and any resemblances to the reader are purely plagiarised.

Also, I do not have any working knowledge of using Html. I shall be very kind to anyone who can send me the Ultimate Guide To Learning Html Within 11 Seconds.

Alright, coming back to the topic, I woke up this morning after watching a lack lustre performance by the Swedish team in their second round World Cup final. They managed to trouble the scorers only slightly. For a team that boasts of many tongue twisters like Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Freddie Ljungberg and Peter Schmeichel, it is incredibly stupid to watch them miss the back of the goal post oh so frequently. Before I digress into further Football details, (this is Not another one of those internet's greatest Football, Cricket or Taekwondo appreciation blogs) I shall quickly start with my advantages and disadvantages.

LIKES:

1. I like waking up early in the morning (5:30 AM) and exercise. This act is merely performed to compensate for the Rissotto alla Milanese and Bazlamaca (I have no idea how they make it) from the night before.
2. I like a clean bedroom and house. I am one of those fitness freaks who carries a dusting cloth in a specially designed pouch for all my trousers. I lunge instantly upon sighting any resident dust.
3. I love waking up on every Monday morning and going to work. It brings me great pleasure to work with people whose average IQ is marginally inflated than my girth.
4. I like cute, tight-ass men. I intend to make a movie someday titled E.T. the Extra-Testicle.
5. I like Himesh Reshammiya.
6. I like taking the missus through streets and lanes that will barely allow Bappi Da and an anorexic cyclist pass through comfortably. (The subjects missus, shopping and narrow lanes will be dealt in detail, much like my nonexistent dissertation)
7. I like shopping for mops, recycled black waste bags, bathroom cleaning liquids, Genteel liquid washing detergent, etc.
8. I like eating out at restaurants where Quality means the icecream that they sell.
9. I like helping the missus in family bonding activities like drying out the clothes, changing bed linen and watching Sri Sri's discourse on breathing heavily.
10. I absolutely love gossip. While the missus is chewing on India Today, The Outlook, Business Today, Business In India After Mallika Sherawat's Rise to Fame, Sonia Gandhi and Her One-Night Stand with Benito Mussolini, etc., I simply gorge and devour books like Cine Blitz, The Society, Cosmo. If time permits, Woman's Era is so Savvy.
11. I love cooking. The farthest I have achieved on this front includes boiling an egg, cooking rice and a seven course meal for 19 people.
12. Like every guy, I love gardening, knitting and monthly grocery.

That's a dozen likes. More coming up in Part Deux.

DISLIKES:

1. I abhor cricket fanatics who will remember Dennis Compton's average, George Headley's top score and how much does Shane Warne weigh currently more often than their mother's birthday.
2. Like for most men, The Three W's of Life are NOT Clyde Walcott, Everton Weekes and Frank Worrell.
3. I dislike Britney Spears, Pink Floyd, Rush, Back Street Boys post liberalisation.
4. I dislike people who stick a calorie meter into creamy brie or decadent pastries while talking about the movie Super Size Me.
5. I totally dislike sport. I am not sure why people do not understand the fact that these sportsmen are doing a job, their duty on a football ground or a cricket field or a squash court. Do they come over to your desk while you are working, dressed in bermudas with a cape around their neck and a face painted with Brazilian tricolors and start booing at you? Of course, they don't. So why should we care about sport so much that we deny our wives the opportunity to watch their daily dramas on television slotted between 6:00 PM and 11:00 PM?
6. I dislike men who will rather look at a woman's breasts more often than at her latest teddy bear keychain.
7. I dislike men who want their women to epilate regularly while they increasingly potray "Man is a descendent of the Ape".
8. I dislike smokers, alcholics and drug addicts merely because I am not allowed to sniff paint or Poly(oxy-1,2-ethanediyl).
9. Lastly, I dislike men who think baby pink is a color.

I hope my thoughts are insightful and will provide a much needed perspective to my end reader. In case, they don't, they were never meant to be.

- Yours patiently.