Soul-Searching, Therapeutic Test

This new post stands only two choices. a) I am so thrilled with blogging, I cannot keep my hands off it. b) I am just bored and jobless. I will leave it to my readers to decide since I know the truth.

I have no obligation to write about the world politics, Indian politics, Mika vs Rakhi Yourmumssougly, Rahul "Sniffalot" Mahajan, etc. Infact, I don't have a fair idea about these subjects.

My knowledge is limited to Who did D sleep with last week? Why was S dancing with P and not with her husband? What was M wearing under her skirt? Will i get to play football with two identical felines in leather pants? Where were F's shoes after three cold daiquiris?

General Knowledge is a forgotten art. During my school days, we were abreast with everything from GDP of New Zealand to the rise of Panda population and the subsequent extinction of Eucalyptus forests and the neutering of Kangaroos in Australia since they were threatening to surpass the human population, etc. Now, the kids don't have an idea about anything, atleast not these important questions I am willing to answer.

To educate my readers, I have decided to run a 20 question quiz and answer them to the best of my abilities.

• World Peace: Time for me to smoke the peace pipe. The last war I can recall is in a movie titled Patton.
• Indian Politics: The current prime minister is Sonia Gandhi with timely suggestions from Manmohan Singh. I am definitely not a pro on this subject.
• Foreign Direct Investment: The concept started with a number of topless women from different parts of the world visiting India. It has caught on like a house on fire and now India embraces the whole idea by inviting delegations of fat, short and hairy men to actively participate in it.
• Current Affairs: One. Off the record.
• Hugh Grant: Hugely popular for his hairstyle than his acting abilities. Got all the paparazzi attention he needed when he was caught offering a ride to woman on the street. I didn't particularly think anything was wrong with that. Currently dating Lashkar-e-Toiba.
• Football World Cup 2006: England will play Germany in the final. Gary Lineker and Helmut Rahn are the surprise additions to the playing eleven. Gerd Mueller was Germany's initial choice but English players didn't agree. They thought Germany would have an undue advantage. Sod off.
• Wimbledon 2006: This year, the game is to be played on a new surface. The All England Lawn Tennis Club staff have been asked to keep this a secret till the opening day. The change has been prompted by a number of players, coaches and spectators who are bored of watching Roger Federer win every tournament since Becker. Did you folks know Wimbledon hosts 45 and over Gentlemen's Invitation Doubles?
• The Beatles: All but one are gone. Finally, we can have normal hair styles, clothing and listen to something decent.
• West Indies vs India: It is hard to believe India has only won three tests in West Indies since the beginning of time. It shouldn't come as a surprise if we do not trouble Wisden by altering that. Rahul Dravid and Co., have lodged an official complaint against seven players in the WI's camp for using Voodoo Witchcraft and Black Magic to alter the course of the game. The first sign of malpractice was noticed when Virender Sehwag lost his hair.
• Cricket World Cup 2007: West Indies. Stop asking silly questions.
• Kurdistan Islamic Union: A secret union of like minded people who enjoy pork chops. Its a guess.
• UN Nuclear Treaty: An agreement by all cricket, football and rugby playing nations that they will not defuse their nuclear atom bombs, nuclear king kong bombs and nuclear BIG green foil bombs as a part of religious celebrations.
• GDP, Inflation, Exchequer, Deficit, Budget: There is a reason why I never bothered with accounts and book keeping.
• Shah Rukh Khan: Touted to be the secret paramour of Karan Johar. I believe in these rumors.
• Kaun Banega Crorepati 2: Stalled due to Big B's gastrointestinal issues. For the lay man, bad bowel movements.
• Bold And The Beautiful: Mallika Sherawat. But beautiful?
• Pink Floyd: The primary reason for many unwanted pregnancies. Last seen When Pigs Fly. Also the pioneers of grossly indecipherable lyrics that led era of Missy Elliot, Cisco and P Diddy.
• Aphrodisiacs: Aphro meaning Afrikaan and disiacs meaning substances that cause a dizzy feeling. Hugely popular with Reggae musics. Home remedies: Imbibing a ram testicle that's been boiled in milk and Nictric Oxide. I don't suggest you try either of them.
• Dan Brown: Author of many semi-erotic books prior to The Da Vinci Code. Also holds the dubious distinction for proving Monalisa lived in the same period as Jesus. Has anyone read Secret Memoirs of Monalisa #36: The Second Coming of Jesus?
• Bill Gates: The guy who spawned the school of drop outs. He has admitted on GQ that he has a deeply rooted psychological problem since his good friend Steve Jobs has a better company name.

Incase, any of my answers to the following questions do not agree with the actual facts or your sentiments, please post the right answers on the comments page. You will be doing me a huge favor.

- Yours quizzically.