A Supplication
How are you doing? I hope this letter finds you in the pink of your health. How is Sonia aunty diddling? Please pass on my good wishes to her. Have you ever comprehended the catastrophe it would cause if our current prime minister and Sonia aunty in a moment of sublime vulnerability got naked? They would then be responsible for the creation of Capo di tutti capi lovely Singh; who will head Cosa Nostra and live in Fatehgarh Sahib. The hypothetical occurrence of that is spine-chilling.
Yesterday, the entire online community was crying murder, since Sourav Chandidas Ganguly failed to impress for the eighty fifth time since his last double figure score of 17. They (the entire online community) want ICC to make a special consideration by allowing him to bat without a bat, thereby saving him a lot of embarrassment.
No I am kidding. The chart buster in India is no longer the Mumbai blasts but an infinitesimally insignificant subject; BLOGS. This is true, even the rural population of India is now aware of the blogging concept and are deeply condemning MNC's for paying huge salaries to their employees for maintaing dinacharyA patrikAs. A large section of the rural population wants to now move to cities like Bangalore, New Delhi and Mumbai and chase their online dream. This could give way to the Online Green Revolution after close to 50 years.
In another input; many MNC employees are jobless since the blocking of many unnamed blog sites. This vicissitude has caused confusion and upheaval among the employees propelling them to an uncommon phenomenon; work.
In a special update, when one of the officials was asked about the intelligence failure to avert the blasts in Mumbai, he said, It would be unfair to say that there was an intelligence failure as it is them (the terrorists) who decide the time and place to commit the crime. He continued, This time they were lucky and were able to strike through the blasts. Sometimes they are successful and sometimes us. On the subject of blocking blogs, he said, we wanted everyone, (Indians) especially The Spirit of Mumbai to be busy and distract them while we carry out our task of finding the culprits. The Director of Special Intelligence said this sort of ambush could distract the wrongdoers, thereby making a few mistakes and getting caught. The blogs will be resorted as soon as possible.
I suggest a few technological advancements that you (GoI) can implement for a huge chunk of money.
- Much like the The Great Firewall of China, India must also begin building a concrete wall around the Indian borders. Kerala can be left unguarded since it can be an easy getaway for the Kozhikode Abdul Kader Menons of the world to the Middle-East. The real truth is we don't care.
- India must also filter atleast 500,000 pornographic sites or sites with subversive content. This will ensure the country's increased literacy rate and also moderate the number of devar-bhabhi sex stories.
- Blogs like How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb must be blocked because somewhere on the webpage will be a hyperlink to How To Assemble An Atomic Bomb.
- India must print Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons in all Indian newspapers, especially The Milli Gazette, thereby strengthening Indo-Pak camaraderie. India must not block blogs that publish such cartoons.
- Induct computer savvy professionals to work for CERT-In. (CERTainly-INept)
It is my humble request to you to take care of impending problems in the country rather than harass a bunch of netizens who get their kicks by maintaining online journals about their day-to-day activities. Please ask Joginder Jaswant Singh* to find something important to do than rummage through my blog for some laughs. I know you are looking.
Yours parsimoniously.
* Chief of Army Staff of the Indian Army.
posted by qwerty at 11:19 AM
11 Comments:
Hola Qwerts,
Even though I am miffed with the Sarkar (please refer MY blog for further details), I laughed myself silly after reading yer post!
Without any offence to Sonia-ji, the only Italian I would like to see naked (and have) is Monica Belluci.
Have you ever wondered why they call him the 'Director of Special Intelligence'? I think it is because he went to a school for 'Special Children'. When he grew up he wanted to be Rain Man but he landed a job with the Govmint.
The Great Firewall of China is rivalled only by our Great Wall of Dravid, who, as you rightly pointed out, is rivalled only our Bonderful BhaiBondu, the Great Balls of Fire, Souravda. While he plays for Northants, I think he was secretly hired by the opposing counties.
I cannot help but agree about CERTainly INept. As for the Chief of Army Staff, I am glad he visits your blog. I thought he only visited www.womenoutofuniform.com
and www.santabanta.com
I am grateful you asked him to stop coming here. I am uncomfortable about sharing my space with a man who has Bofors guns and the 9 Paras at his command.
Yours CaptainsBlog-Spock is missingly,
PS :- Are you aware of our legal rights? Can we sue our ISP's for blockspotting without our consent?
hi The Grim Rigger,
I have asked some of my friends in the government if it was possible to fax a copy of my letter to the upper-crest. Do you know what all of them said? NO.
There are a few other italians, I would like to see naked
1. Sophia Loren
2. Maria Grazia Cucinotta
3. Asia Argento
http://www.womenoutofuniform.com contains pictures of Sushma Swaraj, Uma Bharti, Mamta Banerjee, Phoolan Devi and Narendra Modi. I am absolutely repelled from eating food. Imagine these characters without clothes?
I am not sure if he logs onto my blog. I doubt he will understand much. This is similar to the many Mikoyan-Gurevich MiG-21 crashes, a 1975 Vietnam War favorite. Though the government does not reveal the real reasons for the crashes, insides sources tell me that the Indian Army's inability to read simple Russian instructions has caused the crashes.
Yes we can sue them but I am not willing to meet Kapil Sibal. If I am compelled to do so, I am going to press defamatory charges against him for a face like that.
Blog Day in July*,
Blogger city madness has touched the imbecilityside ,
And through the joke and tinders ,
You can block it far and wide,
The blogs are quickly bolted,
And the stories locked inside,
Blog Day in July.
Even my very first post had 8 comments. Damn.
*For original lyrics please listen to Black Day in July by Gordon Lightfoot.
No sophia is alive rums. The blog is great, weel written, I also laughed myself silly. The comments are top class and I especially had my side splitting with laughterreading the grim rigger. Good going guys, loved it.
hi rums,
What is www.pkblogs.com ?
No sweetheart, Sophia Lauren is NOT DEAD. Atleast not when I last met her.
Along with Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPiere more commonly known as Cher, Ms.Sophia happens to be the only woman who appears to be getting younger with age.
hi Blog-Capt. Anup Murthy,
Thank you for your comments. Do you also need medical attention for side-splitting laughter? Please do send me the bill.
Are you an aide-de-camp (ADC) of Joginder Jaswant Singh?
Are you here to espionage critical data about my family? If so, please restrict it to my wife's family.
Also my bud riggs does not want to share blogspace with J.J Singh or his entourage. So, come clear or roll over and play ded.
Qwerty Qwerty
Be nice to Capt. Murthy. He is not JJ's ADC. He said he laughed side-splittingly, which is what raised my suspicions.
My old man was in the Army and was an ADC himself, to the Ex-Prez V V Giri. I KNOW that former Gurkha Officers and ADC's DON'T LAUGH unless of course, they are going through their offspring's report card.
I since then, visited OCaptain MyCaptain Murthy's blog. Turns out he's a flyboy, a JetJockey and etc. Be nice to him, you never know when you need a chap with a Gulfstream, wot??
And on the subject of aircraft, seen on a poster for Spitfire :-
SPITFIRE, NO FOKKER CAN COME CLOSE.
YoursTangoCharliely,
hah!
diddling???...there is no such word as diddling!!
hi riggs,
It is a shame that my father never laughed when he used to go through my report cards. His expression was usually remorseful marked by discernible pangs of error in judgment for conceiving me. He would occasionally castigate me with a pikestaff. Can we exchange fathers?
You know riggs, I am always nice to everyone. I would personally prefer a Tupolev Tu-144 to Sukhoi-Gulfstream S-21. What do you think?
Did you know Tango Charlie was a Hindi movie about how Tango Charlie goes to Kargil to save his internet girlfriend. The plot is pretty simple, he has never seen her picture.
On the subject of Spitfire, Votz zo funny about zeez posters?
Yours Colonel Walter E. Kurtz.
hi ekta,
What's wrong with diddling? I meant, what's wrong with the word and its existence?
The word diddle meant different things during different periods, for example
a) 1632 - to totter
b) 1806 - to swindle
c) 1825 - to waste time
d) 1879 - to have sex with
e) 1950 - to masturbate (especially women)
Sentence usage:
May I diddle you?
You may please choose the most appropriate definition, contextually speaking.
Yours bo diddley.
hehe Quaptain Qwerty,
I must confess I did know what the Tuplev looked like, I have another pal who is rather barmy about aircraft. He lives in America and called it the Concordski.
The Sukhoi-Gulfstream I had no idea about. Is that plane for real? It looks good enough to take to bed. Provided of course, your bed is as big as a runway.
Sr. Purser Riggs
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