Sex Survey
I am absolutely heartbroken. The German dream is over and HOW. I was so unhappy, I called in sick at work.
Yesterday night, my wife almost managed to get tickets for Kkrish, which means, we will be watching the movie very soon. I am absolutely dreading the idea.
Anyways, pornstar pongy was at our place last evening. After we exchanged the usual mundane pleasantries, PP wanted us (PP and I) to answer a sex survey to determine, this is true, if I was her type or not.
The information contained on this post are of a sexually explicit nature. If you are under the age of 18 or sexually inexperienced, or if it's illegal to view sexually explicit material in your house, please leave now and view other posts on the blog. Please read, understand and comply with the following conditions before you continue:
1. Whichever Occurs First: I am at least 18 years of age or have had atleast one sexual experience with my private tuition teacher, house helper or a hamster.
2. The sexually explicit material I am viewing is for my own personal titillation and I will not expose myself to minors.
3. The viewing and reading of sexually explicit material does not violate the standards of my community, town, religious duties, personal ethics or family values.
4. I am solely responsible for any false disclosures or legal ramifications of viewing and reading the material on this post. Furthermore this blog nor its owners will be held responsible for any legal ramifications arising from sexual perversion.
5. All the questions that appear on this blog are over the age of 18, have consented being viewed and/or answered, have signed the company policy agreement and provided proof of age.
6. If you've read and fully understand the above agreement, and you affirm and swear that viewing/receiving sexually explicit material does not violate the standards of political ineptitude in your community, that you won't make yourself available to minors in any form, that you are wholly liable for any sexual arousal that may arise for your receiving or viewing of these materials and that you are over the age of 18 you may continue:
Note: Before continuing to enter this post, you must confirm the information below: "I hereby affirm, under the penalties of perjury pursuant to I.P.C 193 that I am currently 18 years or bolder"
Yesterday night, my wife almost managed to get tickets for Kkrish, which means, we will be watching the movie very soon. I am absolutely dreading the idea.
Anyways, pornstar pongy was at our place last evening. After we exchanged the usual mundane pleasantries, PP wanted us (PP and I) to answer a sex survey to determine, this is true, if I was her type or not.
The information contained on this post are of a sexually explicit nature. If you are under the age of 18 or sexually inexperienced, or if it's illegal to view sexually explicit material in your house, please leave now and view other posts on the blog. Please read, understand and comply with the following conditions before you continue:
1. Whichever Occurs First: I am at least 18 years of age or have had atleast one sexual experience with my private tuition teacher, house helper or a hamster.
2. The sexually explicit material I am viewing is for my own personal titillation and I will not expose myself to minors.
3. The viewing and reading of sexually explicit material does not violate the standards of my community, town, religious duties, personal ethics or family values.
4. I am solely responsible for any false disclosures or legal ramifications of viewing and reading the material on this post. Furthermore this blog nor its owners will be held responsible for any legal ramifications arising from sexual perversion.
5. All the questions that appear on this blog are over the age of 18, have consented being viewed and/or answered, have signed the company policy agreement and provided proof of age.
6. If you've read and fully understand the above agreement, and you affirm and swear that viewing/receiving sexually explicit material does not violate the standards of political ineptitude in your community, that you won't make yourself available to minors in any form, that you are wholly liable for any sexual arousal that may arise for your receiving or viewing of these materials and that you are over the age of 18 you may continue:
Note: Before continuing to enter this post, you must confirm the information below: "I hereby affirm, under the penalties of perjury pursuant to I.P.C 193 that I am currently 18 years or bolder"
- Would you rather masturbate or get a hand job from yourself?
Me: Masturbate, that sounds scientific.
PP: Neither. I get the real thing. - What's your favorite female body type?
Me: More cushion for pushin'.
PP: Not applicable. - Do you prefer a partner with more or less sexual experience than you?
Me: More. I don't want to think in bed too.
PP: Both. - The hottest role-playing fantasy?
Me: T-X.
PP: Strap-on penis. - Would you be turned on if you found out the partner you were dating had slept with another partner of the same sex?
Me: Persona non grata.
PP: So long as the other partner is present too. - Tell us the secret to giving a killer hand job.
Me: Depends on the length of the video clip.
PP: Refer to question 1. - What's the biggest mistake a woman can make when performing fellatio?
Me: After a long moment, I said, sneeze.
PP: What's a fellatio? - How can your partner get you to last longer in the sack?
Me: Strap me down, give me some munchies and turn on a cricket game.
PP: Vigour. Strength. Performance. - How do you feel if your partner has to stimulate himself/herself to have an orgasm?
Me: Third finger, Left hand.
PP: Who cares, as long as I come. - What's on your mind during sex?
Me: The question should be, Whats on your mind?
PP: Its all in the head. - What position gives you the most stimulation?
Me: A precarious postion.
PP: Coitus Alignment Technique (CAT). Me: What is it? - What can your partner do to make intercourse mind-blowing?
Me: Not Applicable.
PP: Grab my ass, bite my lips and tug my hair. - If your partner brought a vibrator to bed, you'd...
Me: Move the water bottle away. I do not want to be electrocuted.
PP: Call him a wuss. - Think about the best lover you've ever had. What made him/her so hot?
Me: Ex-Girlfriend Voodoo Doll. a) Everytime I thought of her, I could poke her with sterile needles from a Extra-Money Saver Pack of 250 Needles. b) She was easy to pack on business trips.
PP: He was mobile and fit into my Attaché case perfectly.
After finishing the survery, she and I exchanged our answers to see if we were compatible. It appeared, I was a passionate and delicate lover while she was an orgiastic and epicurean bunny. I am saving up the survey for my wife. I hope it will work as a great mood-setter.
Yours expectantly.
posted by qwerty at 11:34 AM
18 Comments:
Very Interesting - so much of you been revealed! However, I am most curious to know WHAT you do with the Water Bottle ON your bed?
This post DICTATES I call you..
Hey Squirts !!
Can we take the Sex Survey too ???
No?
Oh Well.
Q) Would you rather masturbate or get a hand job from yourself?
A) As opposed to ???
Q) What's your favorite female body type?
A) There are types of femsle bodies? NOOO!!!!
Q) Do you prefer a partner with more or less sexual experience than you?
A) As Founder and Chairperson of SWTFIT, I would prefer a partner. Period.
Q) The hottest role-playing fantasy?
A) A role-play fantasy.
Q) Would you be turned on if you found out the partner you were dating had slept with another partner of the same sex?
A) No, what would be turned on is my video-camera.
Q) Tell us the secret to giving a killer hand job.
A) I would, but then I would habe to kill you. So said Jane Blonde 0038C
Q) What's the biggest mistake a woman can make when performing fellatio?
A) Dispaying bad manners and a bad upbringing by speaking with her mouth full. Unless of course, she's singing 'For he's a jolly good fellatio'
Q) How can your partner get you to last longer in the sack?
A) Tie the mouth of the sack shut. Ensure proper ventilation and a bottle of Gatorade.
Q) How do you feel if your partner has to stimulate himself/herself to have an orgasm?
A) Better him/her than me!
Q) What's on your mind during sex?
A) I cannot think more when I am using my head.
Q) What position gives you the most stimulation?
A) Sitting upright on my computer chair, peering at monitor.
Q) What can your partner do to make intercourse mind-blowing?
A) Start it.
Q) If your partner brought a vibrator to bed, you'd...
A) ..say Thank God and reveal the laptop from under the pillow.
I hope this was as much of an eye-opener for yu as it was for me. ANd yes, I am bolder than 18.
Yours Testily,
PS. You should have made it compulsory for EVERYONE to take this test.
2)
hi curiosity killed the anonymouse ,
The water bottle is on the side-board. It is used extensively after our passionate, body-sapping arguments.
hi rigger mortisse,
I chuckled at your answers to the last three questions on the questionnaire.
On the request of rear admiral SWTFIT I hereby declare this questionnaire is open to all. Please do not copy atleast on this test.
Reminds me of this old one, funny neverthless...
Q) What's the Vice Admiral's vice?
A) The Rear Admiral's rear !!
Carry On Up The Navy
hi qwerts,
Here are my answers:
Q) Would you rather masturbate or get a hand job from yourself?
A) Unless my wife will throw in a masterbait.
Q) What's your favorite female body type?
A) The more you have, the more I get to hold.
Q) Do you prefer a partner with more or less sexual experience than you?
A)I couldn't care as long as the partner is a woman.
Q) The hottest role-playing fantasy?
A) Gigi the French Maid.
Q) Would you be turned on if you found out the partner you were dating had slept with another partner of the same sex?
A) Midly yes.
Q) Tell us the secret to giving a killer hand job.
A) Lots of lube.
Q)Q) What's the biggest mistake a woman can make when performing fellatio?
A) Asking 'Spit or Swallow'.
Q) How can your partner get you to last longer in the sack?
A) Giving me a headache.
Q) What position gives you the most stimulation?
A) Asexual.
Q) What can your partner do to make intercourse mind-blowing?
A) Moan and scream her ex-lover's name.
Q) If your partner brought a vibrator to bed, you'd...
A) I'd bring out Nurse Dennis Doll
Hello Anonymous: I know this is not my Blog and I probably should not be replying to you but I could not help myself. You see, this is a very entertaining Blog and we have a couple of laughs every now n then. But you mustnt really reply with the kind of things mentioned in your 'test' as this it was not meant for you to be so brutally honest. And if you were not being honest and trying to be funny - you really ought to fix your sense of humour...
hi anonymous,
You are the perfect fit for Pongy. Can you please send me your bio-data for a match-fixing?
The last time I heard spit or swallow was at Mintu's house. He had just lost another of his deciduous teeth and was screaming loudly at a family reunion dinner. I have to admit, I shifted uncomfortably in my chair when his mum screamed back Spit! Spit!
hi anonymous1,
What is with the hostility? Anyways, thank you for reminding anonymous that this is a family humor channel.
I believe, anonymous's bone of contention is no longer humorous.
Also, riggs what is that void followed by number two supposed to mean? Is it reserved for your left-hand; Bartman?
Qwerts,
The void and 2) are errors. Typos, as us internetizens like to say. The error is regretted and will not happen again.
As for Bart being my left-hand, that is a back-handed thing to say. Right hand me the exit button so I can leave.
Err.. please give email ID. We need more tests. You can actually have an EMAIL option on your blog. People are harrasing me for not knowing you.
I am apalled!
Hey,
Aboslutely loved the sex survey..!!;-)
think am gonna get my wife to fill this one up!!;-)
hi riggs,
As long as you won't give my email address to some sex-craved uncles, I do not have a problem sharing it.
On the subject of not knowing me, yes it is true, we are brothers from different mothers.
hi anand,
Good luck. Incase you do not receive any reaction to your action please do not blame me.
Qwerty,
First I want to know if your wife filled this up!!
Anand sorry..am getting nowhere close to this survey!!:-)
hi ekta,
No. My wife hasn't filled it up. I am waiting for a vulnerable moment to prong it on her.
the question of the hot water bottle on the bed reminded me of one of my fave authors George Mikes (he insists it is pronounced mi-cash). In a book about Britan and the brits he write a chapter one sex. ONE LINE
The french have sex, the brits have hot water bottles.
querts - do we sense some similarity here?
PS: riggah - u'll love his books.
hi peccavi,
I have had the misfortune of reading George Mikes.
If I recall correctly, it was Continental people and not the French.
GET PONGY TO FILL THIS SURVEY!!! She is my hero. Anyone who is 13 or so and has a Brazillian is my hero.
She be wonder woman personified.
Oh Hail to her.... Wow!!
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