Love Forwards
I committed an excruciating mistake this morning. I decided to go back to the health club. Just an ephemeral loss of ratiocination. Unlike my father or my wife's father, I do not live in an independent house with a yard big as Bombay reclamation. We live in an upmarket chawl with common latrines, by which, I mean, we experience many squalid moments. This morning, I saw, this is true, four corpulent and lardaceous women in nighties walking in the common area, oblivious to their surroundings. I am not a superstitious man but I knew instantaneously, it was going to be a very bad day.
Hypothetical Q: There is already one Aloo Parathat (north-Indians) or Malaise Dosa (south-Indians) in your plate and your wife brings you another hot hot [insert food item]. What would you do? Eat the new [insert food item] or the relative old [insert food item]? This is a psychometric Q. It will help me measure latent traits among my avid readers.
Anyways, does anyone remember these lines? "What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died? That...." Yes, I am talking about the same email forward that is going around in circles since the advent of Internet.
Hypothetical Q: There is already one Aloo Parathat (north-Indians) or Malaise Dosa (south-Indians) in your plate and your wife brings you another hot hot [insert food item]. What would you do? Eat the new [insert food item] or the relative old [insert food item]? This is a psychometric Q. It will help me measure latent traits among my avid readers.
Anyways, does anyone remember these lines? "What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died? That...." Yes, I am talking about the same email forward that is going around in circles since the advent of Internet.
- Please forward this message to everyone. A poor 5-year old girl in Mt. Buggery with three arms needs money for a surgery before her redneck parents will sell her for a clown roadshow. If you do not forward this email, you do not have a heart.
- If you do not forward this message, Ewansiha, a malnutritioned pygmy in Guinea-Bissau will not be able to feed his ailing Elephant. Your 10c can make all the difference.
- Please send this message to as many people as you can. It will bring you bad luck if you don't. Kallikantzaros in navy blue suits will creep into your bed at night and violate you. They have a special ability to shrivel penises.
- They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to all the people you've cheated and remember to also send it to the person who sent it to you. It is a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you don't want to remember anyone. And don't forget to run in the rain!
- Included is a picture of a rare sighting of an Rhesus Macaques butt in Guangxi Zhuang. One man forwarded this photo to 13 other threatened & endangered species and he got promoted. Another one who threw it away, not believing in it, not only lost everything he had, but also was bitten by the Rhesus Macaques in the picture. It is believed, he may be the Father Of Modern AIDS. One more, a longshoreman during The Great Depression, forwarded this message to 13 co-workers and within 13 days became the next Billy Conn. So, please send this email to a friend, foe, brother, sister, wife, MIL. You never know.
- Within one hour you must send it to other people. Within five days you will have a miraculous occurrence in your relationship. You will be relieved of your duties as a husband or find new love or have an old love turn psychotic. If you do not send it, you will have once again passed up the opportunity to do something loving and beautiful. If you are not the intended recipient, please note that any dissemination, distribution or copy of or reliance on this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message by error, please notify the sender immediately and permanently delete the message from your system unless you have necessary and sufficient information to blackmail. Thank you for your co-operation. But, if you have received this it is because someone cares for you and it means there is a probability that you care for someone.
If you are too busy to take a few minutes to forward this to ten people, would it be the first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationship? [Oh the guilt!]
Here is the deal: Forward this letter to at least 10 different people within 1 hour of receiving it to people who care for you; the ones that bring about a warm glowy feeling within you.
THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY. PLEASE SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS AND THOSE THAT YOU LOVE. A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED. - Never seen footage of Tirupathi Devasthanam. This letter has been sent to you for good luck. This is not a forward. Please do not ignore it. You will be the recipient of GL within 48 hours. This letter is not a propaganda by Tirumala Tirupathi Devasthanam to invite devotees over the Internet to send us money. Nor is it a cheap alternative to advertise. Please do not hold this email in your inbox for more than three days because that will then bring you bad luck. AIYANA received several mail-order-bunnies after passing on this chain letter. BONAVENTURA lost an undisclosed amount of family jewels at the Russian Roulette for breaking this chain. Believe it or not!
- This message has been forwarded by Tenzin Gyatso, His IGotTooMuchTimeOnMyHandness. Please solve this riddle and forward it to atleast 5 people. You will receive a special mantra for extended virility. If you send it to 0-4 people; your life will still remain in the dumps. If you send it to 4.5 - 7.3 people; your life will be devoid of decimals. If you send it to 8-11 people; your life will take a paradigm shift. If you send it to 12-19 people; you will move out of the dumps. If you send it to 20-34 people; you will be intercepted by your Management Information Systems Team at work who inturn will send an email to your immediate boss and the CEO. This is true, try it.
- PLEASE pass this email to everyone you know and well, don't know. It is the special request from a queer girl. She has been diagnosed with Cancer. She has very few months left, and as her undying wish, she wanted to send this letter telling everyone NOT to live their lives King-size. She never went to the prom, graduated from college, or got married. By sending this email to as many people as possible, you can give her a reason to smile. She is Linda Goodman. PLEASE PASS THIS EMAIL AS A LAST REQUEST.
I hope all of you have the time to send my blog to all inanimate objects. I am sure you can pass it to atleast five or six of them. There is no ulterior motive. Its not even your money, just your precious time! React now.
Yours backwardly.
posted by qwerty at 10:42 AM
13 Comments:
Ah.Forwards and how I hate them.Till I come back with a wittier reaction accept proxy for Rigger as first to reply :P
Urrrghhh!
I simply detest these forwards!!
cant beleive people actually believe in them and forward u crappy stuff!
hi num,
Your allegiance to allow riggs be the original first commenter is copacetic.
I still love you.
hi ekta,
Nobody sends me any crappy forward stuff. They are all a figment of my imagination or lack thereof.
Did you pass my blog onto several objects of desire or not? If not, please do.
hmmm...was this about food (the hypothetical Q)or is the wife giving u a hard (not) time and u have managed to fanaa the seretary's hubby?
BUT be warned if you do not fanaa atleast 7 husbands within the next 24 hours....your life/wife will remain the same...if you manage to fanaa more than that...then you can live long and happily for free (as a guest of the state)...
what this tells us is that the state is willing to condone 7 fanaa's but not more...though, whether the audience can take one more fanna is subject to HUGE doubts
do pass this on to 7 more states... just to keep the chain going...if u dont...find out for yourself...;-)
hi peccavi,
Heh heh. Now please substitute fanaa with sex and read again.
Hi Qwerts,
I have received most of the forwards that are mentioned in your blog.
I remember asking the good Lord for a forward female. I should have said 'woman' instead because I guess he didn't hear the 'f' and thus, he invented the email.
I am also 'tres miserables' (as you can see, I am supporting Zizou and his band of Thiery men) that you forgot two 'tres importantes' email forwards. I feel I am obligated to you in some way, which is why I am going to type them. I hope you do not think that I am being too 'Forward'.
There is no mention of the mail from Microsoft and Bill Gates and AOL and Nokia who are paying you in 'Dolores' to forward this email to as many people as you can. 'It really works'.
There is ALSO no mention of the email from the Finance Minister of Burkina Fatso (we are related by nationality, he from Fatso, I AM Fatso HaHa), asking you for your bank account so he can 'park' some money in your account for some days. For a small fee of course. For you.
Other than that, it was 'Le' most 'Les comprehensive' list of email forwards that I have ever seen.
Yours 1GB Free Inboxly,
hi rig-gmail,
I can assure you that I have never sent you any of the forwards mentioned in my blog.
Oh that explains it! Emales are men masquerading as women. We are eMen.
The Microsoft email actually works. In his book Business @ Speed Of Thought, Bill Gates, unequivocally said, I, have personally propagated the chain mail to assess the number of idiots who endorse MS products worldwide. This comment was later excluded from the newer editions of the book since a lot of people thought he was shooting straight from the gut.
I have received that email on several times from several different bank managers but I have marked them as spam. I may decide to write a post on spam one of these days. When I do, I will mention you in my research credits.
Yours beejee.
qweer-ty
sex with the secretary's husband...and 7 other husbands...and maybe more? sigh...things have reached such a pass...
yours
leslie ;)
LMAO @ Qweer-ty!
Reminds me of the time 4 guys were sitting in the car and feeling Happy.
After some time, Happy got out and went away.
When I got this one I reflexly thought of Qwerty.Just HAD TO post it here.If you get to the end of it and wish to shoot me,I'll be long gone by then.
(hee hee haw haw)
PS:
Dear Qweer-ty,
Have been religiously passing on link to PYTs(pickled young toads) and some hot men.I rather think you'd like the latter(with reference to comments elsewhere on blog)
Hope they are as (italics)forward(italics closed)and otherwise(no pun intended) as you'd like.
Regards and all that.
Num.
-----------------------------
FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch o f fucking bullshit.
So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them!
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances a re it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Keep Scrolling
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.
FRIENDS:
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
A friend is someo ne who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.
A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!
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