Karaoge Tea

If you live where I live, then tea is considered to be ambrosia*. You have to believe me when I say my family is as passionate about tea as I am about sex. Citations:

• You are at a funeral and somebody says, loud enough for everyone in the neighborhood, Chai** hoti, tho kitna achcha hota.
• You have just arrived after a scathing journey in a defunct car in summer and the first thing you are asked is, how about a cup of Camomile?
• They believe the Boston Tea Party of 1773 is about a number of tea connoisseurs sipping on East India Company's tea at The Waterfront. They believe the party was held to ceremonialize the acceptance of EIC Chai.
• You have just finished a five-course meal at, say, The Grill Room and got home at 2:00 hours. Someone will say, lets have tea and the entire family is up on their feet, one boiling water, another boiling milk, another one has disappeared to Zhejiang province to fetch Oolong tea leaves and in less than ten minutes, everyone is holding fine bone-china the size of a pint tankard***.

Growing up was difficult for us, especially me. Everytime we would go to some party or the other, following dessert would be a round of Antakshari**** and Housie*****. This form of expression has now pussyfooted into urban areas and is popularly know as Friday Night Gians.

• Every once in a while, my BIL and I go out to pubs on Fridays, by which, I mean, I have a chance to get away from my wife while my BIL has a chance to get away from his home bar. We tend sit away from the speakers and karaoke box****** and very close to the restroom and the bar.
• Atleast six people will sing six, if not more versions of Hotel California*******.
• Several people will also sing the most popular songs of Pink Floyd, Metallica, Guns N' Roses, etc., while they shake their heads vigorously and sibilate, depositing huge amounts of beer into the microphone.
• Some anthropoid ape will challenge his mate to sing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida********.
• A biker chick, tattooed Rhonda Rash will sing, yes, you have guessed it right, Zombie.
• A Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie will attempt to sing Hand in My Pocket or Head Over Feet*9.
• An uncle somewhere will want to dedicate a song to his sweetheart*10 and sing Heartbreak Hotel*11.

Yours croakingtoadly.

* The drink that was responsible for Curtly Ambrose's lascivious lips. Exception to the rule is my BIL. Everytime anyone wants a cup of chai at home, my BIL will instantly down a thimbleful of alcohol. He has agreed NOT to take it easy and drink in moderation.

** Please do not be mistaken. Chai is NOT the name of the person dead.

*** Ofcourse there is a lot of confusion between half-empty or half-full. Eitherways your glass will be full in a moment. To avoid this befuddlement, my BIL never uses a glass.

**** The vernacular version of Karaoke popularized by housewives watching too many Hindi movies though my BIL always sings songs of Pankaj Udhas strangely. I never understood the connection.

***** Any game that is played indoors. My BIL always looses count of his numbers after number 9.

****** Usually a television set or a projector displaying the lyrics of the song. As the night progresses, this box is blinded from the singer by a bunch of drunk men and women, thereby

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
So I dub the unforgiven
I was kissin' Valentino
So kiss me and smile for me
Right through the very heart of it - New York, New York

only if it is an informed singer.

******* Versions include Sonu Nigam, Altaf Raja, Udit Narayan, Kumar Sanu, Abhijeet and Alka Yagnik. (female singer) Somebody with dreadlocks and unusually dark will attempt to do a Bob Marley version too.

******** By the time he finishes his own rendition of the song, the pub will be bereaved of any women population.

*9 Everytime someone sings terribly, my BIL stands on his feet and starts singing the National Anthem, thereby compelling other drunken patrons to stand up, which is the real problem.

*10 Usually half-his-age and smarter-by-half or a woman about his age dressed for a house warming ceremony.

*11 Very little singing interlaced with heavy suggestive pelvic thrusts, at times exposing his prostrate problem.