Pratchett & Quiz
If there was any possibility of progressing from a life of continence then it had to be last night. Much to my misery, soon after we got home, my sister and her family landed up. While I engaged my nephew with small talk about Superman, Harry Potter and Kkrish, my BIL was in a deep conversation with George Dickel or Bushmills The Whole Family. At 23:15 hours, AK*** decided to stay back at my place. This atrocity presented several problems
- I was responsible for cleaning his bum.
- I was responsible for preparing him for school in the morning.
- I was responsible for feeding him breakfast.
- I was responsible for packing him munchies to school.
- And, he was going to sleep in our bed, which meant, I was responsible for telling him bedtime stories and putting him to sleep.
These were just a few of the several worries worrying me at that moment. Instead of hauling his ass and taking him home, my sister said, Hey, why don't you take care of your nephew tonight? Spend quality time with him and get to know each other? I couldn't budge out of this one. So, I told him the stories of The Shining, Rosemary's Baby and Psycho and ended it with humming the tune of Omen.
For my uninformed readers, I have recently acquired a great fortune of books written by Terry Pratchett****. I have a terrible habit of reading as many as four books at a time, thereby finishing four books in six months and mixing up all the characters. This is something one must never do while reading Pratchett. Pratchett himself is known to read atleast 14 books***** at a time while writing several books in one book. It is true; Pratchett's books on an average contain 32 parallel stories in 32 orthogonal universes trying to communicate with each other without a translator. The end result is usually chaos in one multiverse.
Incase you do not believe me,
As a smidgen of the polka-dotted purple sky smirked at Gallop****** in the quivering trilight, a silhouette of a kitten traipsed over the shards of a broken glass in Yank-Mopork*******. The moon shone over both the hemispheres discordantly exposing the thievery of the daylight.
Somewhere in the dark-alleys of Stroganoff a bunch of hooloovoos were listening to Concerto pathétique while they twiddled their nonexistent thumbs in a venerable fashion pondering thoughts on breaking The Epigraph of Disambiguate Tryangel.
While E. and T. with severed ears tried to intercept the echolocation of two anfractuous amoebae, P. and Q. were in search of an Ultrasonic Improvisational Composition device.
You know, that sort of thing.
While I was wasting time yesterday at the shop, I chanced upon Femina, the magazine.
- Career Highlights: Antagonized.
- I Kick-Start my Day With: Wife, I Wish.
- I Pamper My Skin With: Fore Or Otherwise?
- My Hair Loves: Curls.
- I Primp My Eyes: Everytime I See My MIL.
- My Favourite Beauty Treatment: Blow-Drying.
- My Fitness Mantra: Do Not Follow One.
- Pre-Party Quick Fix: Hugely Dependent On What The Hosts Are Serving.
- I Keep Myself Stress Free By: Going On Frequent Business Trips.
- What Keeps Me Energised: A Bunny.
- On A Bad Hair Day: I Am Himesh Reshammiya.
- Bed-Side Table Essentials: Rubik's Cube.
- Growing Up: Hardly Ever.
- If Not Romancing The Cameras, You Would: Romancing The Casting Couch.
- Psychiatry! Why?: Huh?
- No Women On Your List?: One, Hit-List.
- You In A Nutshell: I Wouldn't Fit Into One.
I am going to go home and listen to some Soul Music now.
Yours ponderously.
* A medical condition that results in polyneuropathy, sexual dysfunction, marital conflict and hallucinations among men.
** Tops that have the risk of falling off uninformed.
*** An overgrown child who happens to be related to me only by the virtue of being my sister's brother (me, not him).
**** As recommended by Riggs.
***** A Guinness World Record.
****** A Unicorn.
******* Somewhere between Turkmenistan and Jacobabad.
I haven't made this up, but Important Notice: Have you all heard about the new rage in the country? This is absolutely true, Blog Rehab/Detox Centers. Apparently, at these places, patients are provided with a personal journal / diary and a pen to kick-off the habit. Ha-ha.
posted by qwerty at 10:55 AM
18 Comments:
Hiya Qwerts, (or shall I say, one of Ankh's finest)..
I am glad you are reading Pratchett. Might one be so bold as to enquire which ones you have/are read/reading?
Once you finish them all, like I have, we shall have a quiz. Part one of the quiz would be putting actors faces (Hollywood) on certain Discworld characters. The second part of the quiz would be putting actors faces (Bollywood) on certain Discworld characters. The final and most important part of the quiz (like a high scoring speed round) will be putting Indian politicians faces onto certain Discworld characters.
As a certain character is bound to ask.... 'WHAT DO YOU SAY?'
Yours Munstrum Ridcullyly,
PS : If you were a TP character, I'd think you'd be Havelock Vetinarri. That turned to Knobby Knobbs on full moon nights.
hi riggy,
ARE YOU SURE I AM ANKH'S FINEST?
I have placed an order for all the books Pratchett has ever written.
I have read Johnny and the Dead, Mort, Reaper Man, The Fifth Elephant and Carpe Jugulum. I am now reading The Last Continent, Soul Music and Hogfather. I have placed an order for the rest of the books.
I am sure you will win the quiz, Cohen The Barbarian.
I would prefer Rincewind to Vetinari though.
SQUEAK!
I am assuming that you like Pratchett. On TP books, here are my 2 Ankh-Pence, the one's with The Watch are the BEST. That does not mean the other Discworld's are not, its just the characters in The Watch are way better than the rest of the Disc.
Please read as many as you can BEFORE you read my favourite Night Watch.
Yours DeathOfRatsly,
hi riggewind,
Riggewind
Name: Sir Riggewind, Almost Earl of Yank-Mopork.
Age: Believed to be as old as Granny Esmeralda Weatherwax's assets.
Race: Mostly Harlmess.
Occupation: Back-bencher at events.
Looks: How dare you ask?
Residence: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Hyderabad.
Parents: Preferably two.
Childen: Yes, wonderful from a distance.
Marital Status: Vestal Virgin; Celibate.
Riggewind is one of the most important characters since the beginning of time. He is an Earl with almost no royal blood. His parents admit, he was conceived accidentally at a time when protection was taboo.
Riggewind was not always an almost Earl. One of his forefathers in a moment of desperate thrust vellicated his pudendal nerve with a plebeian buttercup in a bed of Periminkle and Allamanda flowers under the black-hole of not one but two Suns. This act of impetuosity resulted in Riggewind's almost Earlness.
Riggewind is now the President and Founding Member of Sex, What The Fcuk Is It? and continues to reign supreme. He will remain so even in his after-life until unless he meets a woman of voluptuous dimensions.
I like Pratchett so much, I have asked a friend to design a poster that reads: Work: A metaphor that happens between Pratchett breaks.
SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
Yours Cheery BIGbottom.
I don't think Terry P could have put it better. Of course I wish I was as old as Angua's assets, but I guess thats dangling the Carrot. Esme will do just fine, MmmHmm.
Might I recommend your next buy be 'Jingo'?
I was tres bored so I decided to do take the Femina test too.....
Career Highlights: Blonde Streaks, L'oreal.
I Kick-Start my Day With: A 5 mile jog. Okay Okay you caught me out. My mornin cuppa tea.
I Pamper My Skin With: 2 showers a day.
My Hair Loves: My scalp. Thankfully.
I Primp My Eyes: I read that as Pimp My Eyes. I dunno what Primp means.
My Favourite Beauty Treatment: Can one replace Beauty with Booty?
My Fitness Mantra: No Tantra, No Mantra.
Pre-Party Quick Fix: I AM the pre-party. And the Party. And the After-Party.
I Keep Myself Stress Free By: Checking Qwerty Pratchett as often as I can.
What Keeps Me Energised: THE Bunny.
On A Bad Hair Day: Bad Hair Day's are for mere mortals.
Bed-Side Table Essentials: Laptop.
Growing Up: Uh?
If Not Romancing The Cameras, You Would: Break them with VanDamme like kicks. Poor Paparazzi.
Psychiatry! Why?: SO that Norman Bates can date again.
No Women On Your List?: Yes. SWTFIT.
You In A Nutshell: Possible, IF the nutshell is as big as a VW van.
Sayonara!
Hi Qwerty,
Check out my answers to your quiz:
a) Career Highlights: Often watch them on ESPN.
b) I Kick-Start my Day With: Its usually the other way round.
c) I Pamper My Skin With: Anything purple looking.
d) My Hair Loves: Clairol, Herbal Essences.
e) I Primp My Eyes: What is primping?
f) My Favourite Beauty Treatment: -N/A-
g) My Fitness Mantra: Lots of food and a weekend drinking binge.
h) Pre-Party Quick Fix: Shave.
i) I Keep Myself Stress Free By: Reading your blog.
j) What Keeps Me Energised: Your blog.
k) On A Bad Hair Day: I read your blog.
l) Bed-Side Table Essentials: Laptop with your blog page open, if allowed.
m) Growing Up: -N/A-
n) If Not Romancing The Cameras, You Would: -N/A-
o)No Women On Your List?: Many, unavailable.
p) You In A Nutshell: A Chipmunk.
hi Cohen the BraBarian,
He could have but I will save that up for a rainy day.*
You dangle that carrot any longer and C.M.O.T Dibbler will be right below you.
* Rainy days in Yank-Mopork were almost rainless. The Meteorological Department of Uncertainity would send out a notice to everyone about a rainy day. And on the cobblewalks you would have lots of Wee Wee Free Men dressed to nines in raincoats, windbreakers and mackinaws holding umbrellas** only to find the sun beaming down them while they exchanged glances and said Personally, I think it's so nice when it's hot- isn't it?
** Umbrellas in Yank-Mopork used to fold up thereby serving no real purpose. This used to happen because of the Spaghettification Of The Tidal Forces. Also, there is a legend that believes Yank-Mopork did not have any water. Any traces of it was condensed to form ice, which was Yank-Mopork's excuse for drinking.
hi riggs and anonymous,
Your answers like always were insightful. They have me discover you.
ACH! BUGGRIT! BIGJOBS! MAC NAC FEEGLE!
blog rehabs???!!
Haha...u surely need one dude!
hi anand,
Yes, I do need to do time at a blog rehab.
Well, that's my excuse. What's yours?
I think I need time at a blog rehab too. Is this like sitting in a circle talking about all the funny blogs we've been on? After which we break down in tears and everyone else claps?
I'm game, as long as there's plenty Pratchett's present. And thats cutting my own throat.
Yours addictly,
*For some strange reason, my wife agreed to revoke my bedroom rights.*
For some reason!!:-)
Well uv obviously been a bad boy to piss her off so much!
hi Riggs@BloggersSynonymous,
Are you are the influence of alcohol right now?
If yes
Let me offer you another.
If no
The description of the events you just described are common to most AA meetings. What you don't know is, after the meeting, the oldest member of the AA group, usually a cheery ol' fellow will pop a bottle of bubbly and much revelry follows. The only thing missing* at AA meetings are tins of Russian Beluga Caviar Malossol.
I will go to a blog rehab as long as they will let me carry my laptop. I promise not to POST.
* Most of the money is spent on buyin alcohol. Sometimes there isn't enough to buy 'soft' drinks, resulting in 'hard' drinks for everyone present.
hi ekta,
If you haven't read it right, my bedroom rights were already null and void. To have my null and void rights revoked technically means, they have been restored.
I didn't piss her off. I merely said, May I diddle you? The only difference is, she knew what that meant.
Hi Qwerts,
I am glad Anand and Ekta also commented on this blog. This Comments page is like a conversation betwixt yourself and I.
I was worried someone would mistake this page for something that fell out of 'The Virgina Monolgues' scriptbook. I think 'Virginia' is a typo.
In Hyderabad, when you converse with the Srinus and Venkys, you never know if they are talking about 'hard' drinks or 'hot' drinks. I think they suffer from MTI a.k.a RLI. What do you say?
The only AA meetings I went for consisted of gentlemen (such as myself. Of course, I loosely term myself as a gentleman) who value Antique Automobiles and call themselves members of the Automobile Association. There is never any caviar present and the only 'drinks' allowed are 'soft' because we are not allowed to 'drink' and 'drive'.
Okay HaiBai.
Yours AlmasCaviarly,
hi rigg-aa,
No, riggs, The Virginia Monologues is not a typo.
The Virginia Monologues: A hue-and-cry about Penetration Angst by My Pop.
Remember my post on Vintage cars? After what my BIL did to that steering wheel, we have never been invited to any such screenings.
Yours Almas del Silencio.
Did you know that Sturgeons are clubbed and then anaesthetised before the egg/roe are extracted. Just imagine bludgeoning a cavair manufacturer on the head with a hip prosthesis before taking him into the operation theater for a lobotomy. I am sure, even the Sturgeons will smile.
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