Trivia And Naazuk Alkananda

Sorry, my faithful readers. I was so busy all of yesterday, I didn't have a moment to visit the washroom.

For all my uninformed readers, every Monday, I write about the weekend gone by. I decided to change the trend this week.

I have received some hate mail over the weekend. I would like to inform you all, my wife is not an unpad gawar like most of you think. Instead, she has a double honors degree in anthropology. I love my in-laws like I love Kashmir. All the characters in my blog are real although some aspects of my blog may remind you of The Royal Tenenbaums recently aired on Zee Cinema. Chintu, Mintu and Pongy and all the other characters are real and the events and actions potrayed reflect real life incidents. I am not that innovative & creative.

Today's topic is about my sister-in-law. My SIL's fictional name is Naazuk Alkananda. I never understood the Alkananda connection until my wife told me that her mother conceived during their stay at Alkananda Guest House in Kalipong. Now you all know why I just love my in-laws?

My SIL has two beautiful children; Mintu & Pongy. Mintu over the years has emulated his dad, while Pongy is growing up to be a pornstar. My SIL loves cricketers, footballers, golfers, film stars & our plumber. She is the sort of person who will go a movie premiere and wait endlessly, for say, Johnny Walker to walk into the theatre or at a Kenyan Cricket Team pratice for an autograph from Nehemiah Odhiambo.

It is true, my SIL forgot to feed her kids for six hours because her neighbor told her, some fanatics were burning an effigy of Sourav Ganguly around the street corner. At that time, she didn't know the meaning of the word.

Her fascination is not with the game but the game makers. I once spotted her drooling at a groundsman. I had imagined, her knowledge on cricket, football, etc was innocuous until a few days ago.

Real Cricket Trivia:

• Did you know, Sourav Ganguly wears two sets of underwears to all important matches? This is done for extra protection. He was recently spotted doing so in a game for Glamorgan. He was once caught telling Shoaib Akhtar, You have to reduce your pace by a few notches. It is bad for my ribs.
• Did you know, Inzama-ul-Haq disappears the night before any international match? It has been found, he was attending, this is absolutely true, a crash course in English.
• Did you know, Navjot Singh Sidhu has replaced the holy scripture Sri Guru Granth Sahib with a copy of Roget's Thesaurus and Wren & Martin.
• Did you know, Wasim Akram's infamous Vaseline incident is purpoted wrongly? On a private Pakistan Television Channel, he confessed, he was not intentionally doctoring the ball but merely rubbing off the excess Vaseline from his pre-match innuendo.
• Did you know, Shane Warne did not use Moduretic on his mother's suggestions. It was indeed, yes, you guessed it right, Vivid Virility, a performance booster. During his one year ban, Shane Warne worked with St Kilda Saints Australian Nymphomaniacs Club as head coach. After, much deliberation, Australian's National Anthem Waltzing Matilda was replaced by Horny Warnie.
• Did you know, after the infamous victory of Sri Lanka at Eden Gardens in 1996, Vinod Kambli confessed, I Gave Up Wanking, in a tear-filled, emotional post-match interview. As a farewell song to him, the Indian Team, after many years, sang Absolute Cunt Of The Day.
• Contrary, to the popuplar belief, did you know, Chetan Sharma purposefully bowled that infamous low full-toss on Javed Miandad's legs-side in the finals of Austral-Asia Cup, 85-86. It is a well-guarded National secret, that Abdul Jalil "Chacha" was holding his hamster for ransom.
• Did you know, Krishnamachari Srikkanth, is the only Tamil cricketer who can speak in Hindi. For many years, he consistently provided the bowling team their first break through.
• Did you know, Ajit Agarkar has a good-looking wife? His cricket statistics are not worth the mention.
• Did you know, the movie Lagaan is loosely based on The Invincibles, '48. How loosely, we do not know.
• Did you know, Parthiv Patel's idol is Joe DiMaggio. He later confessed, he heard the name on Billy Joel's 1989 hit single We Didn't Start The Fire from Storm Front. There is a movie based on Patel's life, titled Parthiv Patel: The Curse Of The Bambino.
• Did you know, Anshuman Gaekwad, on National Television was heard saying, After a spate of low and inconsequential scores, Virender Sehwag's game is now flawed. It is the bat design. He must start experimenting with bats-with-no-edges for the World Cup.
• Did you know, Mohinder Amarnath cannot speak English? During his stint with Durham, he was no-balled 4 times. In an interview many years later, he recalled, the officiating umpire didn't understand Hindi. Apparently, he was no-balled because the umpire did not comprehend dakShiNa pakSha-haath-Upara se.
• Did you know, the ICC is working on a nonracial sledging guide?
• Did you know, the ICC is soon planning to introduce colored uniform for Test cricket. This reform will be initially implemented in Kenya, Bangladesh & Zimbabwe. This is to reduce the prohibitive laundry costs. Gerald Majola was also heard saying use of Whites as a Test uniform was racial.
• Did you know, in Australia, streakers and flashers are punished with criminal offense. This rule was implemented in 1992, the year Shane Warne debuted. It wouldn't have been so drastic until a Pura Cup game where Warne was caught slipping between fine legs.
• Did you know, the ICC is working on a project for the blind & deaf. I am not sure if it is for a game of Cricket.
• Did you know, on Christmas Day, '97 at Indore's Nehru Stadium, the second one-day international between India and Srilanka was abandoned? What I didn't know is, is Richie Benaud said the pitch was dry & cracked and looked increasingly like Arun Lal's face.
• Did you know, Mandira Bedi's introduction to The World Of Cricket was so revolutionary, it sparked off two events. a) Charu Sharma suffers from progressive paravertebral muscle dystrophy, by which, I mean, he has a bent spine syndrome. b) Women Cricket Association of India.

Please send me your email addresses, if you want the entire list. I am amazed.

Yours trivially.