Raksha Bandhan

Jim Carey: One of Hollywood's most versatile actors, by which, I mean, he possesses an intrinsic and natural ability to screw up any kind of role. Nobody knows why he is invited to the Academy Awards every year. Also, acted in many quotidian movies like Ace Ventura: Freak Off The Leash, The Mask: I Look A Whole Lot Better, Dumb & Dumber: My Parents' Story, etc.

Today is Raksha Bandhan. The significance of RB in Hindu Mythology is skewed. Also, the origin of RB is dubious and enigmatical. After days of research on the subject, I read a theory on RB.

The first life forms on Earth were, this is true, Rednecks*. Apparently, after God created Rednecks and realized His mistake, He then decided to introduce human beings**. HBs can be easily differentiated from RNs:

• Bipedalism
• Prehensile thumb
• And most importantly, an ability to fornicate with dissimilar members of the same species.

After learning about the promiscuous ways of DDs***, HBs wanted to infiltrate and perpetuate their race among RNs. This predicament caused unrest in the Redneck camp. Their race was threatened by, this is true, Sentinels. Rednecks were perplexed. They ran helter-skelter**** for help. The entire DD race was at stake until an astute DD suggested a plan*5.

Though Hindu Mythology does not necessarily agree with this theory, they cannot entirely deny it.

The concept of RB is rampant in our society. It (the concept) took precedence after the movie Josh*6. The sequel to this movie was released in the same year and titled Mohabbatein*7. These movies elucidate the Redneck Rakhsa Bandhan theory.

Yours larrythecableguy.

P.S: Incase anyone of you feel I have been insensitive, wait till I write about Bhai-Dooj.

* Unlike other races, Rednecks are born stereotypical Rednecks. They always live in mobile trucks and sometimes manage to drive them. Guys usually wear wife-beaters, a baseball cap and blue jeans, while the women wear daisy dukes and nothing on top. All the Rednecks share the same last-name; Hillbilly.

** This was not achieved by fusing man and woman but by merely using a technique called Xenotransplantation. HBs' were originally Chimpanzees.

*** DDs would do anything for a bottle of Miller Lite and at that time the owners of Miller Brewing Company were human beings.

**** Not the song by Paul McCartney. Rednecks ONLY listen to Country music and Southern rock. The Beatles are insects that they enjoy with a can Budweiser.

*5 Women Rednecks wanted to tie Rakhis around their male counterparts (wrists), as a sign of protection against human probes. Thousands of Rakhis were manufactured overnight and the next morning was celebrated as Raksha Bandhan. This sudden act of foolishness and asininity led to the age of sibling revelry, by which, I mean, All Rednecks are my brothers and sisters...

*6 *-ing: Shah Rukh Khan as the brother, Aishwarya Rai as the sister and Chandrachur Singh as the Redneck. Though the movie disappeared without a whimper akin to ALL Deepa Mehta movies, it received critical acclaim for highly-imaginative casting. Hank Williams and Kenny Chesney composed the songs for this movie.

*7 The only movie in World Cinema to have two intervals during the movie. *-ing: Amitabh Bachchan, SRK and AishR. Yes, like you all would have guessed, in this movie, SRK and AishR are two lovelorn lovers. AB plays the role of a school headmaster while AishR plays the role of his daughter. SRK is a teacher at the school. The movie deals with several relationships

• SRK and a dead AishR.
• Aditya Chopra and Uday Chopra
• Jugal Hansraj and Anupam Kher
• AB and some choir boys.