Yes, I could not find a suitable title to describe Team India performance over the last few weeks. I have to admit that I am not an authority on the subject of cricket like my dear friends Bartman & Riggs. While there are many blogs, sites, talk shows, news feeds and expert columns on Cricket, I think, there are enough loose balls for the legging. (Antonym of offing. Also a sport Team India will soon embrace. The sport involves dropping two ferrets into the trousers of TI. The trousers are fastened at the ankles and the belt cinched. The player who can hold the ferrets in his pants the longest is the winner. The first rule of this sport is NO UNDERPANTS. WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME UNLESS YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL CRICKETER. Based on viewership ratings, Ajit Agarkar will have not two but three ferrets dropped into his trousers.)

Given our recent success in 1981, BCCI is planning to revise player benefits, by which, I mean, they are planning to cut them. Current benefits include businesses such as Tendulkar's, Sourav's and Bata's, Sahara India Pariwar condos to every Indian cricketer since Roger Binny at Aamby Valley City and permission to lose.

My Inside Informer caught up with the TI in SA.

• Rahul Sharad Dravid: Often spotted at after-match interviews saying, "After this resounding thirty-seventh loss, the boys have their backs against The Wall." Have you ever noticed the glimmer in his eyes when he says that bit?
  
  As a part of team motivation, the coach has asked TI to choose a song to describe them. RSD chose I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor. RSD is the worst slip fielder since VVS Laxman. Prior to World Cup 2003, we didn't have slip catchers because TI didn't have mildly-borderline-medium fast bowlers.
  
  
• Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar: What is thicker? The splice of his bat or his head? If not for Mr. Butterfingers, Kemp wouldn't have buggered our bowling attack or the lack thereof.
  Current claim to fame: The cricketer with the highest number of one-day appearances. SRT's song choice, We Are The Champions - Queen.
  
  
• Virender Sehwag: Ersatz of SRT. According to him The Corridor Of Uncertainty is a difficulty to find his way to the hotel room after a night of binge drinking.
  
  VS chose, Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who.
  
  
• Wasim Jaffer: The good omen is he was out for a duck on debut. The bad omen is that was his only chance.
  
  WJ chose, Misirlou - Dick Dale. Nobody knows why.
  
  
• Mohammad Kaif: The perfect substitute for Kumble or Ganguly. The mistake with my comparison is none of them can bat.
  
  MK might eventually end up playing the bad guy in Ekta Kapoor television soaps while offering expert advise on Cross-Batted: How To Get Out Played-On Every Single Time. MK chose, Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys.
  
  
• Dinesh Mongia: DM chose, Nessun Dorman - Luciano Pavarotti. The moron doesn't know which game he is playing.
  
  
• Suresh Kumar Raina: Another great substitute fielder option for India. Apparently, when SKR walked onto the field to bat, II heard Andre Nel say, "I don't bowl to virgins." Ha-ha.
  
  SKR chose, Do Anything You Want To – Thin Lizzy.
  
  
• Mahendra Singh Dhoni: While batting, Andrew Hall was caught on camera saying, "Well left, mate."
  
  MSD chose, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham.
  
  
• Harbhajan Singh, Ajit Bhalchandra Agarkar, Zaheer Khan, Munaf Musa Patel, Irfan Khan Pathan, Anil Kumble, Shanthakumaran Sreesanth: Given our top-order success, they are the new full-time batsmen, part-time bowlers. Not that they could bowl much anyways.
  
  Gaand Mein Danda - bodhiTree was a collective choice.
  
  
• Krishnakumar Dinesh Karthik: Not often do you see two wicket keepers play in the same game. This is a part of India's strategy to an early bird exit at the World Cup 2007.
  Nobody gives a shit what song he likes.

Yuvraj Surendra Singh must be feeling pretty good that he isn't a part of TI touring SA. Sourav Chandidas Ganguly has scored the quickest century in World Cricket yet. For more updates on it, please visit Sourav Chandidas Ganguly.

Yours well-(in)formed.